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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27389341">The Quest of the Irksome Brassiere</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanficsbyVe/pseuds/FanficsbyVe'>FanficsbyVe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dark Souls (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, F/M, Stupidity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:40:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,969</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27389341</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanficsbyVe/pseuds/FanficsbyVe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rhea needs her first bra. The Chosen Undead chooses to selflessly help her on her quest. Modern AU. PURE CRACK. Oneshot.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chosen Undead/Rhea of Thorolund</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Quest of the Irksome Brassiere</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is nothing but the purest of stupid, senseless crack that has been lounging in my computer for years now. It is based on countless long plays of Dark Souls with my boyfriend, where we'd aggressively ship our Chosen Undead with Rhea, note that Rhea is rather endowed and the conversation somehow switched to what a bitch it is to find a bra for large boobs. It takes place in the Modern SoulsBorne AU by CalSantiago.</p><p>And yes, better writings are coming. Just not today.</p><p>I won't even pretend to take credit for the McRomald's joke. That honor belongs to MensLG. https://www.deviantart.com/menaslg/art/Bloodborne-Mcromalds-587228127 Visit their DeviantArt page and give them some love.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Well, here goes nothing…”</p><p>Marcus the Chosen Undead drew in a deep breath in the chilly autumn air as he looked up towards the giant Thorolund mansion. He gathered his wits, preparing himself for the daunting situation he was to face at those gates. In his hands, he clutched a small bouquet of flowers with a get-well card, intended for the girl inside. Under his thick sweater, he smuggled some red licorice, knowing full well the people inside wouldn’t let it within an inch of her if he visibly carried it into the house.</p><p>Honestly, he would rather be anywhere else than he was now. He’d take haunted New Londo, if he could. Still, he was here with a mission, one he considered more important than anything else.</p><p>This was already the third day that Rhea hadn’t shown up to school…</p><p>Most people in this school saw Rhea Thorolund as a strange, awkward little wallflower of a rich girl, who barely spoke and hardly had any friends. He, however, was one of the few people who could call himself her friend and there wasn’t a day that went by where he didn’t appreciate the bond that they shared ever since he had rescued her from the Tomb of the Giants during a school trip. They had been inseparable since that day and such, he had felt her sudden absence all the worse.</p><p>Yet what bothered him even more than that was the reason of her absence.</p><p>Apparently, Mrs. And Mr. Thorolund had called in saying she was sick with a terrible flu, but he had a hard time believing it. Last he saw Rhea, she was perfectly healthy and energetic and didn’t have so much as a sniffle. What’s more, he swore that the other day, when running some errands in the town center, he swore he actually saw her there with her mother, arguing at a street corner before being ushered into her charm course. Why anyone who was supposedly sick would be there was beyond him and it only made the whole thing more suspicious.</p><p>What’s more, Rhea hadn’t even called him at all these last three days. She usually did, even if she wasn’t feeling well, and the sudden radio silence was unusual. His best friend wasn’t someone to just fall off the radar and that coupled with the supposed sighting only made him more worried. And after three days, when class was over and he talked to their homeroom teacher who still couldn’t provide him more information, he made up his mind.</p><p>On the weekend, he was going to pay a visit to the Thorolund mansion.</p><p>Frankly, he was dreading it. Unlike Rhea, the rest of the Thorolunds, rich and religious in equal manner, weren’t the most welcoming of people. While not outright hostile, they preferred to stick with their own kind and while they were never impolite to him, they clearly would’ve preferred their daughter had another best friend than a working class, aspiring knight and a boy at that. </p><p>Normally, he couldn’t care less about their opinion of him. He had no intention of doing anything with Rhea she didn’t want to and wasn’t looking for their approval. Yet now, it was clear he had to get past them to even get to Rhea and find out what was going on. He just hoped he could manage that, but he somehow felt that if he wanted to figure out why his friend was conspicuously absent, he had no choice.</p><p>As such, with one final look at the dreary gray sky, he approached the gates and pressed the buzzer, quietly hoping for the best.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>The Chosen Undead immediately cringed the moment he heard Petrus’s voice on the other end of the intercom. If his relationship with Rhea’s parents was cold, his relationship with their butler was icier than the depths of the Painted World. He had disliked the man from day one, especially for his seemingly uncaring attitude towards Rhea and his purported habit of visiting the seedy side of town after work. Honestly, he wouldn’t be surprised if Petrus was the type to suck up to his employers’ faces and then steal their silverware behind her back.</p><p>Still, he decided now was not the time to flaunt that opinion. “Hi. Is Rhea there?”</p><p>A brief silence was his response, followed by a disdainful, suspicious noise. “Who are you again?”</p><p>Marcus did his best to sound cheery. “Marcus. Marcus Trevanion. The Chosen Undead. I’m Rhea’s classmate. She’s been sick for a while, so I wanted to say hi and bring her her homework.”</p><p>He swore he could hear Petrus suppress a sneer. “Lady Thorolund is very ill and in no shape to receive visitors.”</p><p>The teenager rolled his eyes, having already expected that kind of response. “Well, I won’t stay long. I just need to drop off some things and want to bring her some flowers. I’ll be in and out before you know it.”</p><p>“Or you can just leave it by the door and go away.”</p><p>The pure contempt was now palpable in Petrus’s voice, but he wasn’t deterred. “I can’t. Our homeroom teacher specifically asked me to check up on her. We’re all very worried at school.”</p><p>The homeroom teacher part was definitely a lie on his part, but right now, he didn’t care about honesty. He needed to somehow get past these gates and into the mansion, just to see Rhea and maybe talk to her in order to put his worries to rest. It was the only thing on his mind right now and he wasn’t going to let some sleazy contemptuous manservant stop him.</p><p>The manservant in question, however, already seemed fed up with him. “Are you deaf, boy? I said, leave your stuff on the porch and walk away. And we’ll call your teacher with news.”</p><p>The man’s vicious response had the Chosen Undead’s blood boiling. Upper class or not, there was no way he was going to let this cretin of a man, this miserable cur who often talked about Rhea as if she were a burden, chase him off like this! Still, he knew better than to let his anger show and like hell he wanted the man to get any enjoyment out of it. So instead, he stated his terms, with an deathlike calmness.</p><p>“Well, I’m afraid I can’t do that, sir. Again, I just quickly want to see Rhea and see with my own two eyes if she’s okay. Nothing more and nothing less. And if you won’t let me… Well, I guess I’ll remain here until you change your mind.”</p><p>Those words were enough to wear down the last thin veneer of Petrus’s sophistication. “You miserable little scum! I will call the police on you if you will not leave! Why, I’ll even ask them to sic the dogs on you! Let’s see if you still have such a big mouth when they take a big, bloody bite out of your…”</p><p>“Marcus?”</p><p>The sudden sound of a familiar sweet and high-pitched voice was like a gift from the Gods to the Chosen Undead and he happily piped up. “Hi Rhea, I came by to bring you some school stuff!”</p><p>For a moment, he swore he could hear a barely strangled sound of excitement. “Petrus, he’s my friend. Please let him in. He means no harm.”</p><p>There was another moment of quiet, followed by what seemed like a grumble by Petrus as well as a barely muffled “pureblood brat” under his breath. Then, a buzzing sound was heard and the gates sprung open. Marcus squirmed through the moment he could and practically raced towards the mansion, silently thankful for his friend’s interference and that part one of his plan had succeeded.</p><p>He ignored the destructive look Petrus cast him as he opened the door to him, instead deciding to rub salt into the wound by cheeringly thanking him, and then quickly made his way up the stairs to where he knew Rhea’s room was. He knocked on the door and when her timid voice told him to enter, he did so, leaving the door ajar just to avoid getting in trouble with either her parents or servants spying for them.</p><p>His eyes widened in surprise, however, as he opened the room and Rhea was nowhere to be found.</p><p>Frowning in confusion, he looked around. If anything, he’d expected her to be in bed, at least to keep up the ruse of sickness. But the bed was empty and actually made up and he couldn’t see her through the open door of the adjacent bathroom either. This was getting stranger be the minute and he hesitantly called out her name again.</p><p>“Um, Rhea? Are you there?</p><p>“Y-Yes, I’m here.”</p><p>Marcus’s astonishment only grew greater as he heard a soft and timid voice coming out of the closet. He walked into the direction of the noise and stood in front of the large oak doors of the large Astoran wardrobe. He hesitated for a moment on what to do next, wondering just what was going on with her that she was trying to hide like that.</p><p>“Rhea… I came by to see how you are. I brought the homework and some flowers. Some red licorice too…”</p><p>He said that last one in a hushed tone, but he swore he could hear a muted but excited squeak in the closet. Still, it didn’t seem to entice her to come out. So instead, he just decided to grab the bull by the horns.</p><p>“Why are you hiding in the closet?”</p><p>It was silent for a moment. “…Because I look horrible…”</p><p>The words came out with an air of embarrassment and desolation, but it didn’t quite satisfy him. After all, he’d fished her out of the dark depths of the Tomb of the Giants once as well as held her hair back when a ride in the New Londo Waterpark proved too much and she was puking up her mango slushie. He was quite sure he’d already seen the worst and some fever couldn’t scare him off.</p><p>“Well, I’ve already seen you in some pretty bad situations, so I doubt it’s that bad.”</p><p>A little groan was heard on the other side. “You don’t understand. It’s not like that time in the Jareel Spinner… It’s… Oh, I don’t know…”</p><p>Things went quiet again after that and something told the Chosen Undead that further coaxing was not going to help. Yet at the same time, the whole thing go even more peculiar to him. Especially with what he was sure he’d seen when running errands.</p><p>“Were you in town the other day?”</p><p>He swore he could hear her jerk behind the door. “What?”</p><p>“I was in the town center running some errands. I saw what looked like you and your mother arguing before going to the place you usually have charm course at. That seems like an odd thing to do when you’re sick.”</p><p>He got a little whimper in response, her discomfort practically radiating from the closet now. He squirmed. By now, he was absolutely certain something wasn’t right, but he was no closer to finding out why.</p><p>“Rhea, please tell me what’s going on. I’m really getting worried.”</p><p>This time, there was a little sigh. He could hear her fidget, rustling against the clothes. She seemed to think for a moment, only to then speak again.</p><p>“I-I’ll come out… Just… Promise… D-don’t laugh, alright?”</p><p>Glad he seemed to be getting somewhere, Marcus nodded happily. “Promise.”</p><p>Within seconds of him saying that, the door creaked open. Rhea stepped out, her face flushed and her eyes hidden by her hair. Everything about her exuded sheer discomfort and awkwardness. She was fiddling with her fingers and avoiding eye contact.</p><p>Her continued unease still had him concerned and as such, the Chosen Undead found himself quickly looking her over. His first thought was that she looked like her usual self. At the very least, her red face seemed more out of discomfiture than any kind of fever. Truth be told, he couldn’t really see anything wrong with her. At least, until he started looking at the rest of her…</p><p>His eyes widened as everything suddenly made sense to him. Rhea indeed didn’t look like herself. Not because of what she was wearing either. He recognized the top as one she had been wearing for the last year, except now, it looked notably too small. At least, in one particular area.</p><p>The revelation hit him like a Sunlight Spear. This certainly explained a few things and definitely just why Rhea was so embarrassed towards him. It took him a few moments, however, to realize that he was still staring at that particular part of her and he coughed awkwardly as he gave her a sheepish look.</p><p>“Oh… Oh, I see…”</p><p>It seemed like the most diplomatic way his scrambled brain could put it, but it was enough for Rhea to let out a choked sob. “I know! My b… T-they got so much bigger! My family and I only just noticed now!”</p><p>Marcus simply nodded, deciding to hold his tongue in that regard. Particularly because he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He knew Rhea wasn’t as close with her parents as her sisters were, but this was getting ridiculous. Were the Thorolund really that much into their society parties and Way of White services that they didn’t even notice their daughter was growing into a teenager and all things that came with it? Or at least, they’d like to pretend it wasn’t happening, because he himself had made some observations in that regard long ago.</p><p>Being a growing teenage boy, he had regularly thought of Rhea in other ways than just as a platonic friend. He even thought she was quite pretty too. He did occasionally have the passing thought that she had a nice body as well and that it had indeed seem more developed than that of her sisters or most other girls her age in their school. Now, however, the proof of that was irrefutable, but his interest in that fact was quickly dampened by how clearly unhappy Rhea seemed with it and his current inability to say anything to comfort her.</p><p>“Well, I’m not a girl, but isn’t that normal? At least, breasts growing and all?”</p><p>This time, Rhea practically snapped at him in mortification. “I know it’s normal! But it happened so suddenly! And now, nothing fits right anymore! Everything is too tight and my… Everything is poking through and jiggles when I move and…I hate it! I don’t want to show myself like that.”</p><p>By now, she seemed on the verge of tears and it only made the Chosen Undead feel even worse. While he definitely liked how this new Rhea looked, he could understand that she wasn’t too happy at suddenly being a stranger in her own body. Indeed, standing in front of the mirror was becoming a strange experience for him too and recently, whenever he had to relieve or clean himself, looking at his lower area was like staring at an alien eldritch landscape. He certainly saw where she was coming from and the least he could do was try to help her.</p><p>His mind went back to his older sister Anri and what little he could remember from her going through this situation. “Well, if your chest is uncomfortable, then maybe a bra will help? I think Anri already had one when she was fourteen…”</p><p>Rhea stared at him for a moment and suddenly, her lip began to quiver. “Well…that’s…that’s the thing…”</p><p>Curiously, he cocked his head to indicate he was listening and she continued. “Mom doesn’t want me to buy one. She says it will make me look too grown up… That… That was what we were arguing about in the town center… She just wants me to wear extra layers, but it’s so uncomfortable…”</p><p>Marcus said absolutely nothing as she said those words, but somewhere into her response, he swore he could feel one of his eyelids twitching. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The Thorolunds always seemed to watch him with the fear that he’d see their daughter as some piece of meat, but right now, it felt like they were doing way worse than he did. </p><p>While he certainly enjoyed Nehma’s Secret ads or reading the newest swimsuit issue, he also realized bras weren’t really all that different from regular underwear. And while Rhea wasn’t yet grown up and her parents preferred to keep her a little girl for a bit longer, her body was changing and it was ridiculous that they were putting their religious notions of what was sexual before basic things meant to make her more comfortable. It was absurd and while he normally tried to appease the Thorolunds, he know thought undermining them was the best possible option.</p><p>“Well, you get a generous allowance, right? Which you can spend on anything except candy or improper items? You can always just go into town and buy one yourself.”</p><p>By now, Rhea was turning as red as the licorice hidden under his sweater. “I’m afraid to… I don’t really know what to do. Or what to look for. Mom never really talked to me about this…”</p><p>It was at that exact moment that Marcus felt his heart snap in two. Suddenly, he felt very grateful for the upbringing he had. His parents didn’t have a whole lot of money, still reeling from the massive gambling debt his grandparents incurred, but they were devoted and caring. They encouraged their children to explore, question and make mistakes and were always open and honest with them about every topic. Both he and his sister were sat down at the appropriate age to discuss what would happen during puberty and despite all of the weirdness, they were going through it relatively smoothly. Meanwhile, Rhea had thought she was dying when she got her first period and now, her mom wouldn’t even talk to her about dealing with grownup bodies, even though she felt like a freak.</p><p>To make matters worse, he felt like he wasn’t the right person to do so either. First of all, being male, he only had a very rudimentary understanding of how girls experienced their teens. Second, seeing how he took a little too much personal enjoyment in changes that were clearly scary and unpleasant to her, he just felt he couldn’t give proper, objective advice regarding her current problem.</p><p>However…</p><p>Suddenly, his face lit up. Why didn’t he think of it before? After all, his previous observations were based on that very second-hand experience! He smiled to himself. He may not be able to do much for her in this regard, but he definitely knew people who could.</p><p>“How about I ask Anri or my mom to go with you?”</p><p>Rhea stared at him. “Huh?”</p><p>“Well, if you don’t want to go alone, they can help. You know them, they like you and they can help you with this a lot better than I can!”</p><p>She didn’t answer immediately, almost as if she were processing what he said. Still, he figured that it was the best option. His family liked her, thinking of her as a sweet and polite girl, and didn’t even care that she was a Thorolund. Their door was always open to her and especially his mom and sister had regularly helped her out when she was having trouble and needed more open-minded female advice. Besides, he didn’t know anything about bras except that there were different sizes, they used to look like cones once and they were apparently a step up from corsets.</p><p>Even so, he sweetened the deal a little more. “So here’s the deal. We’ll go to my place. I’ll ask mom or Anri to go with you. They’ll help you find a bra and after that, I don’t know, maybe we can have lunch somewhere or go to the arcade when you get back? How’s that?”</p><p>That was all that was needed. Suddenly, Rhea’s eyes lit up like stars and a happy little “kya” sound escaped from her mouth. Excitedly, she rushed forward and hugged him, leaving forward and kissing him on the cheek, giving him a good amount of awkward contact with the body part whose sudden increased presence they were trying to navigate.</p><p>Realizing a body part of his seemed to briefly perk up a little too excitedly at that, he was incredibly relieved when Rhea let go of him again, took the flowers from his hands and put them in water, then skipped back to the closet to find her coat. In the meantime, he desperately tried to think of mowing the lawn, fighting the Gaping Dragon and Smough taking a shit just to summon the least sexy imagery he could think of and get his scrambled mind back in order again.</p><p>It was only seconds later that the two of them were outside the gates of the mansion, through a secret passageway that Marcus thought seemed just about right for such a manor. Apparently, one of Rhea’s more eccentric Thorolund ancestors had a thing for building secrets and escape routes into the house, and without her family’s knowledge, Rhea had done a terrific job of mapping and memorizing them. Her hidden streak of rebelliousness was astonishing to Marcus, but he was even happier to think he might be able to visit his friend in the future without looking at Petrus’s ugly mug ever again.</p><p>Something told him she might feel the same, because she seemed a lot happier and livelier now that she was out of the house and about to have her problems solved. She was practically skipping and bouncing all around him, excitedly asking for some of the red licorice he’d smuggled for her, and just generally being her own excited self again. He certainly didn’t mind. It was good to hang out with his friend again and interact freely away from prying eyes.</p>

<hr/>

<p>Still, that elated atmosphere already started seeping away just a little when they reached his house only to find the front door locked. He frowned a little, producing his own key and opening it. The first thing he was met with was an empty hallway and house, with not a sight of his family. Odd, at the very least, since Anri had no school right now, his father often popped by the house for lunch since work was nearby and his mother worked from home.</p><p>“Hello? Mom? Dad? Sis? Anyone home?”</p><p>There was no response and Marcus instinctively found himself putting Rhea behind him as they went into the house. The place was far quieter than it should be and for some reason, he was pretty sure it wasn’t because Anri was hiding in a closet to scare them as a prank. They moved their way into the kitchen and just as Marcus was wondering whether he should already consider the worse, his friend pointed to the kitchen table. </p><p>“Those look like notes.”</p><p>Realizing she was right, the Chosen Undead marched over and, upon recognizing his family’s handwriting, he started reading. “…Oh, sodomize me gently with a Fume Ultra Great Sword…”</p><p>A startled yelp came out of Rhea’s mouth at hearing that, though she managed to compose herself from letting out another one. “What is it?”</p><p>“Turns out dad won a small cash price at the company bingo and decided to take mom out for a romantic lunch at a nice restaurant…”</p><p>She let out a little “oh” at that, somewhere between relief and disappointment, before perking up hopefully. “What about Anri?”</p><p>He snorted. “It says here she’s ‘revising’ with Horace. Which means they’re currently sneaking into a cinema to watch an R-rated movie, gorging at McRomald’s and egging Aldrich’s house…”</p><p>“Oh…”</p><p>This time, there was only disappointment in her voice. He saw how her arms slowly wrapped around herself, her earlier discomfort back into the foreground. She was looking like a girl who just saw her salvation slip through her hands and found herself right back in the situation that had kept her from going to school all this time. He couldn’t feel worse that his promise had fallen through, but just as he thought that maybe he should try to at least call Anri, explain the situation and just hope she’d come here and help them, Rhea spoke up again.</p><p>“Marcus, can you just go with me then?”</p><p>Within seconds of that statement, the Chosen Undead could hear a record scratch inside his brain. He stared at her, mouth agape, before his mind flashed to mountains of lace, wiring and intricate underwear on models wearing ugly Lothric Angel wings. That last one briefly switched to Rhea, only for his train of thought to then immediately crash into a wall and him shaking his head vigorously.</p><p>“B-but… Why? I can’t help you! I don’t know anything about this!”</p><p>His friend let out an uncomfortable sound. “I know, but… I… I just don’t want to go alone! I’m scared! I…I just want you to be there for emotional support, okay?”</p><p>A few seconds ticked by, still leaving him scrambling for words, and she continued. “Look, I know you’re a boy and you really don’t enjoy these kinds of things, but… I don’t know anyone else. So please…”</p><p>Again, he wanted to do nothing more than refuse. There was no way he wanted to actively be involved by going into a bra store and in any matter participate in choosing a fabric to adorn Rhea’s breasts. It wasn’t that he would find it boring or embarrassing. It was likely that he feared he’d enjoy it far too much…</p><p>And yet… He could tell how obviously uncomfortable she was. What’s more, he had no idea when his female family members would be home and available to help her. She needed her current situation fixed and go back to her normal life as quickly as possible And if she was fine with him being there even if he couldn’t really offer help… Well, the least he could do was put a cork in it and actually be a friend.</p><p>He showed her a small smile. “Alright then… Let’s go into town and find you a bra.”</p>
<h1>_______________________</h1><p>As was said, it was done. About twenty minutes later by bus, he and Rhea found himself in the town center. They spent about a second orientating themselves, before starting on what he assumed would be the most arduous quest of his young teenage life. A quest that truly commenced as when Rhea quickly spotted a shop called “Gwynevere’s Chest”.</p><p>The very first thing he noticed upon entering was pink. Just pink. A sea of a soft, sickening pink, followed by a range of pastels and only then an indication of the many bras, lingerie, underwear, pajamas and bathrobes that the store seemed to sell. It was interspersed with large pictures of ample-bossomed models like Gwynevere and Zoey the Desert Pyromancer, all wearing the kind of contraptions that seemed more fitting for a torture chamber than as comfortable underwear. Even the rather feminine Rhea seemed to scrunch up her face at the décor and the two of them shared a look, wonder how the heck they were going to navigate this place.</p><p>“Well, hi there!”</p><p>A breathy voice caused the both of them to jump and Marcus looked up to see a girl coming their way. She was bouncing towards them like a Basilisk in heat, whacking people left and right with her ponytail as she approached. A quick look at her uniform seemed to suggest she was an employee working here, but a quick look at Rhea’s face instantly told him she likely didn’t represent the salvation she was hoping for.</p><p>The woman leaned down in their direction. “Hi, my name is Chloanne. What can I help you with?”</p><p>They didn’t immediately answer and next to him, Marcus could see how Rhea was essentially hiding her face within the collar of her jacket. She generally didn’t do well with assertive people getting in her face and seeing her shrink away, he decided he should take the initiative before she might back out.</p><p>“Well, she needs a bra.”</p><p>Instantly, the chipper sales lady as bouncing again. “Well, you’re at the right kind of place! What kind of bra are you looking for?”</p><p>This time, Marcus wasn’t really sure what to say. After all, he knew nothing about bras and he didn’t exactly want to force his taste on Rhea. Besides, he had no idea what exactly he needed to be looking for and he doubted approximating Rhea’s breast size with his hands was going to be very useful to anyone.</p><p>Thankfully, Rhea had seemed to find her voice. “I, um, I don’t really…”</p><p>Briefly, the Chosen Undead felt a moment of relief, but hardly did it seem like Rhea was going to voice a preference or Chloanne talked right over her. “Well, we have many types, so what would you like? Convertible bra? T-shirt bra? Strapless? Sports? Minimizer? Bandeaus? Plunge line? Long line? Bralette? Cami? Cage?”</p><p>As she rattled off the list, Marcus blinked. Suddenly, he wished he’d rather be fighting Manus, Father of the Abyss, than to deal with any of this. All this underwear looked exactly the same to him and the idea that there was something going on with it that he couldn’t begin to understand unnerved him. Were there really so many ways for a woman to package her breasts?</p><p>Beside him, Rhea seemed to panic as well. “Actually, I…”</p><p>Again, Chloanne all but ignored her. “Perhaps you would like to try a balconette?”</p><p>“What does a small balcony have to do with any of this?”</p><p>The words left his mouth before he even realized it and he suddenly found Chloanne looking at him as if he were a runover Crow Demon carcass. Clearly, his ignorance offended her, but her current attitude wasn’t particularly helping him or Rhea. Neither one had any idea what they were doing and it would help a lot if they could get that point across first.</p><p>He was just about to say that when Chloanne seemed to have recovered her incessant perkiness. “Of course, your boyfriend would probably like something a little sexier. Some lace, plunging neckline. Something that looks really nice in a sexy dance no doubt. Question is, do you have the confidence to pull that off?”</p><p>It took Marcus only one look at Rhea to realize that things were going downhill fast. By now, Rhea was red as a tomato, practically hiding her face and she looked like at any moments, she could burst into tears. Just the sight of it turned him red too, but only with intense rage and the impossible self-control it took not to want to slap this woman.</p><p>No doubt she was trying to be the cool big sister, but as far as he was concerned, she was going far beyond the line. Even if he were Rhea’s boyfriend, and he certainly wouldn’t mind a scenario where he was and she’d wear something sexy just for him, it was absolutely insolent to stand there and make unprompted assumptions about the sex lives of her customers, much less about a fourteen-year-old girl’s. Especially when blatantly ignoring what said girl was trying to say and clearly overwhelmed and uncomfortable with that kind of behavior.</p><p>Gnashing his teeth, Marcus was just about to take Rhea by the arm, usher her out of the store and to tell the woman that she was a terrible employee and to go fuck herself with a large chunk of Palestone before finding somewhere else to shop, when another voice sounded. “Chloanne, it’s break time! We even have rock treats in the back!”</p><p>As by a charm, Chloanne looked up excitedly. “Ooh! I love rocks! I love anything with rocks.”</p><p>Then, as suddenly as she appeared, she was skipping off again and almost at the same time, he and Rhea let out a sigh of relief. Yet just as they were about to make their escape, another woman approached. She had dark hair and a very apologetic look on her face.</p><p>“I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. Chloanne really means well… She’s just…overeager and not always good at assessing her clientele…”</p><p>Something about the woman’s face told Marcus this was about the nicest she could say about her colleagues, but decided not to press the issue as she spoke again. “Anyway, my name is Rosabeth. Can I help you with anything or are you just browsing?”</p><p>Her voice had a sweet, patient ring to it and clearly, Rhea felt it as well as she spoke up. “Well, I’m looking for a bra, but I don’t really know where to start…”</p><p>The woman briefly looked her over and smiled. “Is this the first time you’re buying one?”</p><p>Rhea nodded wordlessly and Rosabeth continued. “Would you like me to take your measurements first then? That way, we know exactly what your size is and can start from there.”</p><p>Marcus could see how his friend showed a small smile. “Yes, I would like that… I… I just hope we find something.”</p><p>To this, the sales lady laughed. “Don’t worry, I think I can help you find something. I have plenty of experience just being in my underwear.”</p><p>With those words, Rosabeth led Rhea to the back of the store and Marcus wondered whether that was his cue to leave to the video game store next door until she was done. After all, he doubted he could do much more for her from here and the sales lady was far more knowledgeable on this, as well as a far more suitable person to help her out in this situation. Besides, there was only so far he should be involved with her breasts that could still be considered appropriate…</p><p>Still, as he locked eyes with Rhea again, she gave him a begging look and frantically motioned him to come along. He hesitated for a moment, then gestured back that he didn’t really understand why she wanted that, only for her to shake her head even more insistently. Realizing she was still scared being here on her own, he relented and he followed her to one of the changing booths.</p><p>There, he found a place to sit, as his friend and the sales lady behind the curtain and he then heard the shuffling of a tape measure. He reached over to a nearby magazine, sighing upon seeing they were mostly tabloids, and tried his best to become invested in Gwyn’s latest stranded relationship with the huntress Pharis and Queen Nadalia’s supposed affair with Knight Raime as he listened with half an ear to the conversation between the two women.</p><p>He had to admit that he quite liked Rosabeth just from the sound of her. Unlike her colleague, she was friendly but not pushy. There was a sense of natural kindness to her and her patience certainly did a great deal in making Rhea feel at ease, as his normally shy friend was now happily talking about her hobbies and how she wanted to become a nurse. It made him smile a little, but as he focused back on the drivel that passed for news, a sudden shriek from Rhea had him jump.</p><p>“36D? KYAAAA!”</p><p>Marcus didn’t even realize that the magazine had fallen off his lap nor did it even register to him what Rosabeth was saying except for something to the extent that it was normal. He simply sat there, blinking and mouth agape, his friend’s words repeating on loop in his brain despite him not wanting to. His mind even briefly went back to the moments in Rhea’s room and he blanched. He didn’t know anything about bra sizes, but that sounded big…</p><p>Thankfully, the sales lady once again proved adept in her business and by the time he managed to reassemble his head, she had sufficiently calmed Rhea down. Instead, she was asking her what colors or shapes she’d like and patiently explaining each of them. She then came out of the booth and headed into the store to pick out a bunch and Marcus decided it might be a good idea to check up on his friend.</p><p>He walked up and poked the curtain. “Rhea, you okay in there?”</p><p>A soft little voice was his reply. “Y-yeah. I-I’m sorry if I might have startled you. I… I just didn’t think it’d be that bad…”</p><p>For a moment, he tried to suppress a giggle, as ‘bad’ wasn’t exactly the word he’d use, but seeing how he wasn’t the person who suddenly had to deal with extra pounds of flesh attached to their chest, he instead decided sympathy was the only right option. “Well, Rosabeth said it was normal, right? And they aren’t hurting you or causing back problems?”</p><p>He could practically hear her shake her head. “N-no, but…It just feels so weird. And I didn’t really expect them to grow this much…and so suddenly…”</p><p>He smiled, a little relieved, and glad to know what to say for once. “Well, that’s why we’re here, aren’t we? Don’t worry, Rhea. We’ll find something here. And if we don’t, we’ll go to other shops until we do.”</p><p>A small giggle was heard on the other side. “Thank you, Marcus… You really are a sweetheart…”</p><p>A red blush found his way to his cheeks and he was very grateful when Rosabeth returned with a handful of bras and disappeared behind the curtain again. He turned back to his magazine, but after his third attempt at getting through a story about secret pictures of Queen Mytha found with a ‘Covetous Demon’, he eventually put it aside. He turned his attention to the curtain again, just to hear how Rhea was doing.</p><p>Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to work out so well. From what he heard, they were either too sexy, she didn’t like how they looked or the model didn’t fit well. Rosabeth didn’t seem to mind at all, saying that it usually took a while to find a suitable bra especially if you were a bit more endowed, earning another ‘kya’ from Rhea along the way. Soon, she was out gathering some more bras and a next series of fittings began, but from the sound of it, this one was no more successful than the last.</p><p>In the meantime, Marcus found he could no longer even feign interest in the terrible tabloids and shoved them away with a groan. He really wished he could do a little more, but as much as he’d love an opportunity to see Rhea in various states of undress and touch her in various intimate places, he very much doubted she’d enjoy that situation as well. Especially now as she felt more uncomfortable with herself than ever. Taking advantage of his best friend was the last thing he was thinking of, but sitting here wasn’t going to solve anything either.</p><p>So, letting out a deep sigh, he abandoned the magazines and his seat and decided to look around the store himself, just for the hell of it.</p><p>To say that looking at a bra store attentively was an eye opening experience would be an understatement. He never realized there were so many different shapes and sizes…or just how many there were that seemed to have no comfortable or supportive function whatsoever. He had no idea why you’d even wear a sexy ‘bra’ without cups if you could simply not wear a bra for the same effect or why anyone would want to stick tassels on their nipples. Even some of the sexier bras looked more like dog harnesses or BDSM slavewear than anything worn for comfort. It baffled him and for once, he was very glad that wet dreams and unwanted pants-salutes were the worst problems of his own teenage body.</p><p>Still, as he was here to help deal with those of Rhea, he decided to search in a more focused manner. He quickly skipped out on the deliberately sexier stuff, as while he enjoyed imagining them on her briefly, he was sure it wouldn’t be up to her taste. Instead, he tried to find something a little more practical and conservative and as he walked towards that section, he quickly noticed a particular one.</p><p>He had to admit that it was the color mainly. Rhea liked a lot of white and peach-colored stuff and the bra matched that. The second was that it looked cute, with bows, a lacey outside and eyelet fabric, the kind of thing she usually liked in her clothing. Thirdly, it felt soft and looked quite supportive too and as he searched the rack, there was still one in the size Rosabeth had mentioned. </p><p>He chuckled to himself. He was the first to admit he absolutely had no idea what he was doing. Still Rhea currently wasn’t finding anything, he wasn’t going to be useful to her in the haven that was the game store and he swore he’d get an aneurysm if he had to look at those tabloids again. So he figured he might as well contribute too and see how that would work out.</p><p>So, sucking in a breath that would’ve been enough to fill the ribcage of a dragon, he picked up the undergarment and looked around. He caught Rosabeth on her way to the fitting room and quickly rushed over. He presented her with his find, meanwhile trying his best not to let blood rush to his face.</p><p>“I don’t know much about all this, but I think she might like this one…”</p><p>Rosabeth stared at him for a second, but kept a straight face as she took it from him and examined it. “Well, it is her size, so we can give it a try. It is really nice that you are so involved with your girlfriend.”</p><p>Instantly, Marcus felt his face flush bright red again and before he thought better of it, he stammered. “W-well, she’s not my girlfriend. J-just a friend, but there were no girls to go with her…so…yeah…”</p><p>Thankfully, she took that explanation without remarks or judgment. Instead, she just smiled and went back in and he went back to his seat. This time, he decided to simply look at his phone, amusing himself with a video of a public School of Mensis séance being rudely but hilarious broken up by a unit of Black Knights. It was enough to slightly turn up the edges of his mouth and he was quickly lost in browsing videos until a sudden, sharp and happy ‘kya’ rang out from the changing booth.</p><p>“Marcus!”</p><p>The Chosen Undead snapped to attention, wondering what the hell was going on. A feeling that instantly crashed and burned when he was suddenly face to face with Rei. It took him a few horrifying seconds to realize that the upper half of her body was unclothed, save for a bra. The bra, he then realized, he had picked out…</p><p>“Hey Marcus! The one you gave me works! It fits and it’s comfy! I’m so happy!”</p><p>That excited declaration was followed by some excited skipping up and down and it was right there that the male teenager’s mind screeched to a halt. Because as Rhea giddily bounced up and down, her breasts, free from the obstruction of a shirt, bounced too. Extensively so, treating him to a full-frontal assault of unmistakable, barely packaged cleavage.</p><p>It was then and there his brain gave up. The last thing he was consciously aware of were splatters of red and then, just a sudden wall of black.</p><p>“Hey? Hey! Wake up? Are you okay? Did you hurt anything?”</p><p>Marcus groaned a little as Rosabeth’s calm but insistent voice brought him back from the void. He tried to lift his head and felt how she helped him sit up. He sucked in a deep breath through his nose, only to find a tissue there.</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>The saleslady gave him a grin, her tone amused. “You had a nosebleed and fainted.”</p><p>“Oh…”</p><p>Part of him wished he could fade right to black again to evade the shame. Unfortunately, fate was not so kind. Not least of all because he noticed Rhea, mercifully covered up with a top now, to the side, frantically poking him in the face with a stick of red licorice.</p><p>“Rhea, what are you doing?”</p><p>The poking became more insistent. “You lost a lot of blood! You need to raise your blood sugar levels!”</p><p>Now practically mortified, Marcus lamely pushed it away. He was incredibly grateful as Rosabeth handed him a wet wipe to clean up his face. Thankfully, he hadn’t spilled any on his clothes and Chloanne was proving herself useful by mopping up the remnants on the floor. A mild consolation to an embarrassing situation, but still...</p><p>“Can you stand?”</p><p>The Chosen Undead simply nodded to that question by Rosabeth and soon found himself rising. He climbed back into his chair, only to find Rhea still standing there, still holding the piece of red licorice. Steeling himself not to look down despite the shirt, he smiled at her and finally took the candy.</p><p>“I’m okay, Rhea, really…”</p><p>“Are you sure? There was a spurt of red and suddenly, you were out. It was really scary.”</p><p>He was insanely proud at the first lie that popped into his head. “Must be because I’m hungry and it’s lunchtime soon. Don’t worry about it. So, uh…was the bra okay?”</p><p>To that, she smiled shyly. “Y-yeah. It fits and looks good. Rosabeth is getting a few others that are like it. So we should be done in a few minutes…”</p><p>He simply nodded to that. He didn’t really know what else to do. At least he had managed to help her somewhat despite this fiasco… And frankly, the sooner they’d be out of this place, the better.</p><p>As he quietly started to munch on the red licorice, Rhea kept staring at him. He furrowed his brows at her, wondering if something was wrong. She turned red.</p><p>“Hey Marcus… Once again…thanks. For coming with me. I appreciate it…”</p><p>Now, it was his turn to flash red. “It’s nothing… Nothing at all…”</p><p>Rhea proved to be right. It only took five more minutes to find other stuff that suited her and just like that, they were back out into the world, leaving behind the scene of his shame. Frankly, never in his life had the Chosen Undead ever be so happy to get out of a place and that included the Tomb of Giants. Not least of all because his earlier lie was swiftly becoming the truth and he was getting pretty hungry. Maybe Rhea was indeed onto something when she mentioned he needed to raise his blood sugar…</p><p>“Well, if that isn’t my baby brother!”</p><p>Marcus stilled, hearing how Rhea “eeped” beside him and looked in the direction of the voice. He groaned a little as he spotted his older sister in the crowd, waving enthusiastically. As always, Horace was right on her heels, scaring old ladies and little children alike and probably crying inside.</p><p>The Chosen Undead didn’t get a chance to act as Anri swooped in and hugged him tight, probably to embarrass him more than anything else. He simply let it happen, sharing a helpless look with Rhea, who simply giggled in return. Once he was let go, he sighed.</p><p>“So what are you two doing here?”</p><p>Anri smiled, responding with the worst attempt at innocence he’d ever seen. “Oh, we were done revising our latest school project, so we decided to go into town.”</p><p>Marcus gave her a look. “You’ve been egging Aldrich’s house, haven’t you?”</p><p>The grin she flashed him was all he needed to know. “So what are my baby brother and Lady Thorolund doing here without a babysitter?”</p><p>Both he and Rhea turned red around the same time. Knowing the ages of torment he might possibly be in if he revealed the truth, the Chosen Undead scrambled with all his might to come up with an excuse. Unfortunately, thanks to years of being raised in the Way of White, Rhea was naïve enough to actually tell the truth.</p><p>“I… I needed to buy a bra for the first time. My mom and sisters didn’t want to help and you and Mrs. Undead weren’t at home, so… Marcus went with me.”</p><p>As those words came tumbling out of her mouth, the Chosen Undead wished desperately that a Gargoyle would emerge from the skies and carry him off. Awkward sweat drops started to form on his forehead as he glanced at his older sister and her friend. Horace had the decency to look like he had absolutely walked into the wrong conversation. Anri, however, was smirking from ear to ear.</p><p>Yet just as he braced himself for a torrent of mockery, she chuckled and petted his head. “Aw, so he actually braved the uncharted territory of a lingerie store to help you? My little brother really is the most chivalrous, isn’t he? So you found what you were looking for, Rhea?”</p><p>His sister’s tone was notably softer and warmer, as if to extend any help if needed, and that clearly gave Rhea some confidence. “I did. Marcus really helped too. We found some good ones.”</p><p>That answer clearly satisfied Anri and she looked at them both. “Well, since that adventure is over, how about you guys come to McRomald’s with us? Grant us fries!”</p><p>Infinitely glad and thankful that his sister was saving any teasing for a private moment and decided to just be a cool older sibling, Marcus could only happily agree to that. So did Rhea, to whom junkfood was practically contraband, and before he knew it, the four of them were on their way to the land of grease, sugared water and spidery staff, also known as McRomald’s. All in all, it was a lovely end to a very eventful and embarrassing afternoon and he couldn’t wait to put this incident out of his mind for the rest of eternity.</p>

<hr/>

<p>“Marcus? Marcus, I’m home.”</p><p>The Chosen Undead looked up from the kitchen where he was cooking dinner as Rhea came in. She was still wearing a comfy hoodie, meaning she had changed out of her nurse uniform before coming home after work. It didn’t surprise him. It was his turn to cook and she always said his spaghetti with meatballs was something she was prepared to die for.</p><p>He looked up with a smile. “Hi Rhea, welcome home. How was work?”</p><p>She let out a sigh as she put down her bag and took off her coat. “It made Blighttown look like paradise. Bunch of magical injuries, idiots trying to fight Silver Knights and college kids going through hazing by putting on bewitched rings from Pontiff Sulyvahn. I swear, the stuff people get into nowadays…”</p><p>Marcus found his mouth twitching into a smirk at that. “Well, at least I didn’t get into anything besides cooking up a nice dinner. So pull up a seat. I bet you came straight home for a good meal.”</p><p>Suddenly, she let out a mischievous chuckle. That sound had him instantly on edge. After all, Rhea might still be the sweet, shy and easily embarrassed girl he loved in high school, but as they had entered adulthood as well as dating and marriage, the last two had significantly lessened around him. She did really have a cheeky side to her and even now, he wasn’t entirely prepared whenever it popped up.</p><p>“Well, actually, I went by the mall first to pick up some things. One of which I think you’ll like…”</p><p>As if on cue, he turned around at that tone and immediately his eyes went wide. Rhea stood there, having casually zipped down her hoodie all the way to her bellybutton. All he saw underneath was a lacy, enticing red bra, the only thing covering what he knew to be beautiful, pale an alluring breasts. Immediately, dinner was forgotten for a moment as his jaw went slack.</p><p>“Oh… Hello…”</p><p>Rhea giggled. “I knew you’d appreciate it. So after dinner, when I’m full and rested, how about we go for some dessert?”</p><p>He could only stupidly nod at that, but she hardly seemed to mind as she zipped her hoodie back up and started to set the table. He watched her go, once again feeling like the luckiest man alive to have her. He was glad they had lasted all these years, in spite of her parents’ attempts to drive them apart, and he hoped they’d have many more to come.</p><p>Out of nowhere, his mind flashed back to the bra fitting fiasco in their teens. How they had awkwardly had to navigate the entire subject of breasts before they even had the nerve to kiss one another and how he had passed out with a nosebleed at the mere sight of them. What had been so embarrassing back then was both funny and ironic now.</p><p>Because now, he could look at Rhea every day and see her in even less than a bra, which was something he never, ever got tired off. Even better, there was no shame in it anymore whenever blood went into a different direction.</p><p>He grinned. Things had changed a lot indeed. In a way that he loved, gave Rhea butterflies, led to the firing of Petrus and that pissed off his Thorolund in-laws to no end. All as it should be.</p>
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